Jessica Delfino's Online Mansion

Weird Wonderful Sunday Night with Weird Al

Jessica Delfino — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 01:31:06 +0000

L to R: My dad, me, Al, Jen Kwok

Interesting notes: People kept confusing my dad (far left) for Weird Al.
Also: Al and I have almost the same hair do.

Some of the perks of being a performer in NYC are that you get to rub knees, shoulders heads and toes with some pretty fantastic people now and again. Last night was one of those nights, and I’m not just talking about Jen Kwok.

Jen and I, in a recent stroke of random kismet, were invited to perform as goth cheerleaders behind Weird Al at his Sunday show at the Capitol Theatre. We met at 12 noon on Sunday to rehearse a choreographed routine for 4 hours before zipping up to Port Chester to check in and get into our costumes.

The show, without exaggeration, was one of the best concerts I’ve ever seen. I loved Al’s costume changes, enthusiasm, humor and videos. He’s just an amazing showman and I’m so glad I got to be there. Afterward was a little meet and greet and he was super gracious (except when he punched me in the face for no apparent reason) and he some of the band members signed my ukulele. Awesome!

Maybe next year they’ll be in the NY Funny Songs Fest. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

PS Look for me doing some talking head stuff June 9th on CNN’s “Stroumboulopoulos”. Here I am in a cab today heading to the taping with my hair all did.

A letter from one of my biggest fans

Jessica Delfino — Thu, 30 May 2013 16:04:02 +0000

I didn’t even know my dad until I was a tween, but since then, we’ve worked on developing a pretty nice relationship. Still, he’s a typical dad who does hilarious, adorable dad things, like this gem. FYI, Good Morning America hasn’t called yet, but I’ll keep you posted, Dad.

The festival starts today with an opening carnival party at Santos Party House (96 Lafayette in NYC) at 6 PM-7:30 PM, followed by our opening night showcase (25 Funny Songs). Carnival will offer free food, photos, dirty balloon animals, 100 gift bags, ukulele and Babeland lady toy raffle, chance to win and buy tickets, day passes, VIP passes, t-shirts and more. www.nyfunnysongs.com

JD / NYFSF in the Wall Street Journal

Jessica Delfino — Sun, 26 May 2013 20:36:03 +0000

I was in the Wall Street Journal this weekend, a paper I never read, but should probably read more often. I don’t read it, not because I don’t like WSJ, but because I can barely read. But really, it’s a huge honor to be in the Wall Street Journal with the NY Funny Songs Fest because it’s going to be a great festival, provided there are no slip and fall accidents or acts of terror that weekend.

My piece was in the NY / Culture section, and I was in good company, sharing the space with Anthony Weiner, Rob Paravonian and Summer and Eve and no one else I’d ever heard of.

On a serious note, I’m glad to count WSJ among my achievements, and I hope anyone out there who was surprised to see me in their newspaper this weekend got a paper cut. Speaking of which, I should go get some band aids, I’m bleeding all over my keyboard.

Lists Of Funny Comedians Always Make Me Feel Weird (Unless I’m In Them)

Jessica Delfino — Tue, 07 May 2013 18:03:45 +0000

Let’s face it — lists can sometimes be alienating. The best this or that, most funny or most fashionable — I mean, who even writes these lists? Yep, it can be pretty insulting, until it’s you that they’re talking about, and then it all clicks. Otherwise, the internet can be just one big feeling hurting machine.

Even though it doesn’t define me nor does it prove anything, (you may have thought I was funny before the list or you may continue to think I’m not funny after the list, but probably not!), it does make me feel somewhat satisfied to be listed on FunnyOrDie.com’s blog-ticle “15 Of The Funniest Comediennes You SHOULD Be Following” alongside this collection of very funny comedians, I have to admit. Are there dozens of people who aren’t on there who should be? Yes. Am I one of them? No. Have I been left off lists before? Once or twice, maybe, yes. Am I celebrating a little bit inside? I just ordered myself a cheesecake. So…, yeah.

I Rode A Unicorn Into My Wedding, or How To Get Your Wedding In The NY Times

Jessica Delfino — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 18:09:04 +0000

photo of us with Pebbles the Unicorn by Marisa Reekie

I hope you enjoy this little video I made with some of my wedding footage where I rode a unicorn (not just any unicorn, Pebbles the Unicorn) into my ceremony on the beach. You can see how absolutely freezing cold I am. But it was worth every shiver.

Don’t forget to comment, subscribe and share this video. Also, let me know if you have any questions, and check on xoJane.com for the story I wrote with lots of great tips about how to have a beautiful and inexpensive wedding.

**If you enjoyed this blog entry, please consider buying a CD or making a donation to the NY Funny Songs Fest which is coming up in NYC, May 30-June 2, 2013. Thank you!**

Nice review by Outerpost.com

Jessica Delfino — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 21:31:50 +0000

A nice little review from a show I did with IRTE a few weeks ago:

“The clever and sardonic, Jessica Delfino arrives to strum out songs with some truly envelope-pushing topics – like a folk song about suicide. It would be easy for some to miss the mark and insult the crowd but Delfino’s manipulation of the topic plus a Bob Newhart wit (a more modern comparison wouldn’t work with all the retro going on) made each number more hilarious than the next.”

Thanks, Outerstage.com!

And that is why you should never half-ass it at your shows, even if the crowd is light, because there are f*$&ing eyes every where, watching, listening and judging. Glad I was at least 3/4 assing it that night.

Tune in for the next installment of Auntie Jessy and her comedy advises.

Anyone Who Dresses Like A Giant Vagina At An Award Show Is OK In My Book

Jessica Delfino — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 14:31:43 +0000

You know, I have no problem with Snooki, and I never have. I think she gets a bad rap. She’s not just a small troll-sized woman who was beaten up repeatedly on The Jersey Shore both physically and by the media, she’s a sharp business woman who has figured out how to make a fortune off being abused by such boneheads and trash talkers.

And she doesn’t give a hot turkey shit what you think, she’ll dress like a giant vagina at the 2013 MTV Music Awards, with Lily Munster/Elvira-like hair to boot and you can stick it.

Go on, girl!

The funniest part of this story is that normally, I wouldn’t give a rat’s hind quarters about what Snooki was wearing to the MTV Awards, but a) vaginas are kinda my thing, and b) I was hired by this new website called Squabble, where people bicker for 15 seconds over mundane topics to weigh in on, and ours was, “Who Was The Best Dressed at MTV’s Music Awards?” I chose Snooki.

Check out my amusing e-conversation about my video from this am:

I just want anyone in the world to be able to say the word, “vagina” without it being a big deal, is that too much to ask?!

Here’s a conversation from a few days ago on Facebook. I ask:

My bro responds:

But with the email from dude above re: MTV, I wonder, is it really played out? I guess we’ll see…

TO BE CONTINUED!!

PS — If you like this post, please consider donating to the NY Funny Songs Fest fundraiser which is ending soon. You can donate $10 to get a ticket to the fest, $100 to get a ukulele, or $225 to get an awesome media maven package that includes your businesses content all over the festival. With SiriuxXM as one of the sponsors, that’s not a bad thing…

JD in NY Post 50 Best Jokes + NYFSF Plug in Time Out NY

Jessica Delfino — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 04:43:48 +0000

I hope you guys had a great EastOver. I spent the weekend in Philly with family. We went to see Savion Glover tap dance at some big fancy theater. I was excited to see the fellow do his thing, but there was this crazy stage that was like 18 feet tall so we couldn’t see his feet because we bought 2nd row seats thinking there’d be amazing views. Instead, dozens of people were leaving from the front of the house. They should have called the show, “Savion Glover: Live From The Shins Up”.

Well, maybe the show was a bust, but it was a great week for press. I was honored to be featured in the NY Post’s 50 Best Jokes piece that they put out every year with some amazing company: Amy Schumer, Sarah Silverman, Tig Notaro, Colin Quinn, Jim Norton and many more. You can check it out here.

NY Funny Songs Fest also got a nice plug in the back of Time Out NY. If you haven’t yet, please go to our Kickstarter page and buy a ticket in advance to fund our project. We’d appreciate it so much. We are almost halfway through the project and we still have, um, like, thousands of dollars to go. We are trying to raise money to get Dr. Demento and some other big surprise headliners paid for. If you believe in the project, please tweet our Kickstarter link, too, or share it on Facebook: http://kck.st/119XYhM

The soap bars above were sent to select members of the press last week. I love the way they turned out. I am thinking of incorporating them into Kickstarter packages. Like, maybe funders who tweet the links out every other day for the rest of the project will get one…what do you think? Do you want a bar of NYFSF commemorative hand decorated soap? Would it be worth it to you to tweet the link for the next two weeks? Or is that idea a wash? Yuk yuk yuk…

I Wish They All Could Be Jewish Boys

Jessica Delfino — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 04:43:10 +0000

A few weeks ago, I married a lovely Jewish man. I remember when I found out he was Jewish. We were riding our bikes past the Holocaust museum late one night. “Are you Jewish?” I asked him. “Yes,” he responded. I almost choked on my saliva. That wasn’t even on my wish list, but I’d heard from a friend that Jewish men and Catholic women were a natural match (“Jewish men are really good at pleasing their mothers and Catholic women are demanding, so it’s a win-win” he said) and I’d put it in my palm pilot to definitely try dating a Jewish fellow at some point.

A few years ago, my husband’s grandmother and I were hanging out at her living room table snacking on Gveltefish, cheese and olives when I had the idea to write a song in Yiddish. With her help, we came up with, “I Wish They All Could Be Jewish Boys”. In honor of Passover, I whipped a demo together and am sharing it here with you:

I Wish They All Could Be Jewish Boys home demo

Here’s the SoundCloud link if you prefer (free download)

I apologize for any horrid pronunciations!

Enjoy. Lyrics and chords are below. In the recording, I play it on a soprano ukulele.

Am CM7

You have such a zees-enuh neshummah

D7 F E7

I can not forget it

Am Am7

And how about that shaina punim?

D7 F G7

I just want to glet it!

F F/C Em Am7

You could be my favorite tsatzka

F G A7

Of all of my toys

Dm Fm

So wonderful du bist

C D7

Come give me a pisk (not a pishk)

Ab Bb C

I wish they all could be Jewish boys

C Cmaj7 C Cmaj7

C Cmaj7

I don’t want a gonnif

C Cmaj7

But I’ll take a kloog nebbish

C Cmaj7 C Cmaj7

So come on over here, and let me pinch your tuckus

Dm Fm C D7

I raise my Manishevits – to a worthy shaygitz

Ab Bb C

But I’d rather have a Jewish boy

Am Am7

Oh I’ve met a toomler or two

D7 F E7

A schlemiel and a yold

Am Am7

But now I’m looking for a mench

D7 F G7

Who’ll treat me just like gold

F F/C

Let’s get to know each other

Em Am7

Grow into alta kockers

F G A7

I’ve nothing against a goy

Dm Fm

But you have seychl

C D7

And a couple of sheckles

Ab Bb C

So I’ll take you, my Jewish boy

Am CM7 D7 F / E7

Yiedel deidel deidel deidel deidel deidel die

Am CM7

Come on won’t you be my bubbala

D7 F G7

I won’t treat you like meshugennah

F F/C Em Am7

So let’s stop this potschkin around

F G A7

When I see you how my heart says, Oy!

Dm Fm

Let me take you home

C D7

Shalom shalom shalom!

Ab Bb

My lovely

Oh my lovely

C / Cmaj7 / C / Cmaj7 / C / Cmaj7 / A/C#

Jewish Boy!

New comedy video: NYFSF Public Service Announcement

Jessica Delfino — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 20:45:47 +0000

Comedy music. It’s a real thing. Annually, a baker’s dozen comedy musicians are misunderstood by the generial public, including music bookers and comedy club bookers. They are like, “Are you a comedian or a musician? You’re making my head hurt.”

So, today, we’re here to focus on the message, “We’re comedians AND musicians. We are comedy musicians.” Check out our awesome public service announcement about this heart wrenching topic.

Another exciting memo: We have launched our fundraising campaign. Guess what? All donations are tax deductible, cause we’re awesome like that. We want to raise 8k so that we can pay some big fancy show biz stars to come and make special guest appearances. So help us by buying your tickets / festival passes in advance, and get rewarded with some cool stuff while you’re at it (like ukuleles, limo rides, etc).

Want to see our video with some extra goodies that didn’t land on the cutting room floor? Check it out, below. This video is 100% SFW. Yeah, can you believe it? It’s clean as my grandmother’s nut sack. You know, the one she uses to collect chestnuts off the ground from the chestnut tree. She washes it every night afterwards.

Thanks for your support and I hope you enjoy the video!